Saturday, December 31, 2011

Last Day of 2011 and More Spotting

I could really do without the spotting. It's not a lot and it's definitely brown but it is still there. It came last night before I went to bed and then it pretty much stops. No cramping is included at all, so that makes me feel a little better. TMI here: When I put my suppositories in last night and this morning and I checked my cervix and if feels very, very soft. I had a leep done in 2006 so my cervix is cut diagonal. I am hoping this is where the spotting is coming from. I will remember for the next FET to get a PIO shots instead, I wonder if it's too late to switch now? I am not going to call CCRM but I am going to call my OB on Tuesday. I already have an appointment with them on Jan. 12 but I am so freaked out about this cervix.

I am grateful for everything that happened in 2011. There were many cancelled cycles, many shots and many tears but it is all worth it because we finally got our BFP. I am however, so ready for 2012 to be here. Each week of 2012 will bring us closer to meeting this little one. 

                                                      Happy New Year Everyone!

Tuesday, December 27, 2011

Today's Ultrasound!

HFS! Finally, we heard and saw a heartbeat! It was 126 bpm! I am in shock and totally relieved! The Dr. found the heart beat immediately. Everything is growing fine and he said the gestational sac was perfect. This little one was measured at 6week 6 days so one day ahead, which I am happy about!

So I guess I was freaked out for no reason. Well, the damn ER folks freaked me out way too much, oh and so did the bleeding and cramping. He said the bleeding was probably from the suppositories because he didn't find any source of the bleeding. I know I don't have the best cervix because I had a leep done in 2006.
So I am off to finally call my OB to let them know I am pregnant. I know we have a long ways to go but today was one step closer to where we need to be.

Thank you all for listening to my crazy journey and for really helping me through these last 2 weeks. I really appreciate all of the prayers!

Monday, December 26, 2011

6.4 week Lab Results

I am a little concerned that my Estradoil went down. I asked my nurse and she said it was fine that this number fluctuates a lot. Well, I think by now (6.4 weeks) it should be going up higher on it's own because I am pregnant. Concerning to say the least.

Estradoil: 436 (still on 4 vivelle patches, changing every other day)
Progesterone: 12.5 (3 prometrium suppositories vaginally daily)

One Day Closer

I woke up this morning to some more spotting when I went to the rest room. I couldn't believe it. I have been taking it really easy so I know it's not that. I felt great yesterday but the days before I had some light AF type cramping on and off. I don't think any of these are good signs. I didn't have any cramping yesterday and I don't today. The spotting is brownish this time at least. I keep hoping it's nothing and they will find a reason for the spotting tomorrow. Even it they don't find a reason and everything is growing normally and there is a heartbeat I am totally fine with the spotting. Tomorrow can't come soon enough for us. I am sick of waiting and just want to know one way or another what is going on. I keep thinking to myself this can't be happening. I wish I could have found an u/s place that is open today but no such luck. I am not going to the ER again.
                                                Hope everyone had a great Christmas! 

Thursday, December 22, 2011

Possibly 6 weeks today?

I still feel pregnant so that is my motivation right now for me to think everything is going to be OK.  My boobs are crazy sore with many veins on them already. Also the smells I smell, I am not nausea but I and not hungry either. I literally have to force myself to eat 3 times a day. This morning my husband made me oatmeal and I couldn't eat it because it smelled like tuna.
Of course in the back of my mind I am prepared for the worst on Tuesday but right now I have to just hope and pray for the best. I pray all day long that God put his hands around this little one and helps it grow so someday I can put my arms around him or her.
I can't say things haven't been rough, of course I googled every word from the u/s I received when I went to the ER and having an irregular shaped gestational sac is not a good thing. But there were so many conflicting things from that report that I have just been trying to put it out of my head.
I know there are a lot of prayer going up to God right now from all out our immediate family members we told. They have all been through the entire process with us so they know everything that is going on. I tell me mom, dad and sisters everything, probably too much.
It's so amazing how much infertility affects so many people. My MIL called to tell me a story on the day I told her I had bleeding. She called her sister (about my bleeding/miscarriage scare) who was at a Shop.ko in Dak.ota to tell her the news so they decided to pray together. Her sister stopped in an aisle in the store and prayed out loud with my MIL on the phone. Of course 2 people over heard her 1 man, 1 women, not a couple either. Both were or had someone they knew also going through infertility. The man and his wife did 11 IUI's and are moving on to IVF and the women's relative had IVF and now had a baby of her own. They both prayed for us too. The man even asked what our first names were so he could pray for us.
I pray everyone gets to hold their baby after infertility. I know, no matter what happens on Tuesday. We will be OK. We are prepared for whatever the outcome may be.

Monday, December 19, 2011

A Call From My Nurse

CCRM called this morning and asked how I was doing. I told them how much blood there was and almost everything else. The nurse told me you can get bleeding from doing to much and believe me I know I did way to much on Friday at work and Saturday morning. The nurse did seemed concerned but not to the point where they wanted to check anything. I asked about doing another beta test and she said the only thing they can do now is wait for the u/s. She said the earliest I could get in is Friday but Monday would be better. Of course everything is closed on 12/26. I said I could go Friday and she said that was still really early and if they didn't see anything I would have to go back again. I decided to just wait until 12/27, yes, I will go crazy between now and then but it's the best for results.
I did not tell my nurse I went to the ER and what the u/s said. I just couldn't since she told me it was too early for an ultrasound. I was told to call immediately if I have any more bleeding. I decided to call off sick from work today. I can't not tell you the last time I called in sick at work. Sure I have taken sick days due to IF treatments but I have not called in sick from work in 3 years.
I am going to try to have faith and hope for the best.  At least now I know I am totally prepared for the worst for my u/s. It feels better to be prepared.

Sunday, December 18, 2011

No More Bleeding

Today I am feeling super sad. I keep crying off and on. I just can't control it. I have read tons of stories online with situations just like mine. Some turned out fine, some, not so fine. The bleeding has stopped completely, some brownish discharge but nothing else. I don't have any cramping. I still just continue to feel like AF is about to arrive any minute. I have been feeling like that since the 3dpt.
I wish I would have never had the u/s done at the ER yesterday. It's results are consuming my thoughts. I will need to somehow try to make it until Dec. 27th for my u/s with my local RE. I pray that everything looks normal. According to the ultrasound yesterday I have and enlarged yolk sac and the gestational sac is irregularly shaped. Both of those results usually end up in miscarriage. I know it's early on and sometimes this can still end up fine but it's hard to imagine that it will be fine for us. This wait is going to kill me.

Saturday, December 17, 2011

Back From ER

I hate going to the ER but I just had to go. I started have bright red blood when I sat down on the toilet it was dripping a lot!  I don't know what to take from the ER doc, she said she thinks I will have a miscarriage based on my ultrasound results but all my other levels look great.
My beta today is: 20,113
They saw 1 gestational sac but said it was somewhat irregular in configuration with at least one distinct concave margin. WTF! They also said it was measuring at 7weeks 5 days, um that is crazy as I am only 5 weeks 2 days. The doctor did tell me that it is too early to find out much from an ultrasound right now.
I freaked out when they wanted to give me the RH shot because I am A-, I told them that means I am having a miscarriage, I cried.  The doctor told me I could refuse but if I did have a miscarriage I would need to come back and get one. I just don't know what to take from all of this. I got the damn shot so now my mind is going crazy!
I don't know what to take from it all. I am just going to rest. The bright red bleeding has stopped and it now just brown. I don't have any cramping, I just feel like I have for the past 2 weeks, like I am about to start my period any minute.
I know I did over do it the last 2 days. I was on my feet for 5 hours yesterday and constantly walking back and forth and running errands all over town this morning. UGH!
I called CCRM and left a message on the nurse line but it's the weekend and I don't expect to hear from them until Monday. At this point nothing can really be done any ways but rest.

Spotting! Help!

Please tell me it's normal! I went out shopping this morning and obviously did too much walking, I am spotting lightly, no bright red blood but it's there, it looks pink. I am super freaked out!

OK there is bright red blood now! Going to ER~


I found myself feeling very anxious yesterday. I had to get my Estradiol and Progesterone checked. Of course the labs folk decided to take their time and didn't get the results to CCRM until 5pm, I had to call them 3 times to make it happen. UHG! That shit drives me crazy. 

Here are my results: 
Estradiol: 533 (4 vivelle patches, every other day)
Progesterone: 10 (3 prometrium suppositories daily, vaginally)
I am staying on the same dosage.

Oh and I guess I was way off on the ultrasound. I actually am not schedule until December 26th and of course nothing is open that day so I have to wait until December 27th for my first u/s. Needless to say I have peed on a few sticks to make me feel better. 

Today I am 5 weeks 2days. I wish time would hurry along and I wish my mind would stop obsessing! 

Monday, December 12, 2011

Another 2WW

This time it really is a full 2 weeks possibly 2 weeks and a couple days. I am so nervous for the ultrasound. I am hoping and praying for a nice strong heartbeat. My mind thinks about it all day long. I am probably going to POAS a few times before the u/s sound I can confirm I am still pregnant. My mom and others  think I am crazy to be so worried but as we all know just because you are pregnant does not mean you are out of the woods yet. The day I hold our baby will be the day I will stop worrying about this pregnancy.
I know several have mentioned that my beta numbers are really high and there could possibly be twins. Here is my take on my high beta numbers. My opinion has no medical evidence, it's just how I feel. I transferred a 5AA, 6 day embryo, already hatching out of the shell.  I just think it implanted without any delay and it just kept on growing.  I know for sure we only transferred one. What if we did have a splitter? Well, we would be fine with that. We were not seeking twins in this process but if that happened naturally, we would be fine with that. I personally don't think that happened, I think there is only a less than 5% chance of that happening. I guess we will see next week!

Symptoms so far:
Sore boobs: Yes, they are sore and a lot fuller already. Husband hopes they stay this way. I do too, it's kinda nice.
Bloated: Ugh! I think it's because of the extra hormones (estrogen especially). My pants are already tight in the waist.
Cramping: I typically have AF type cramping, usually when I am walking around. It's not bad, it's actually kinda nice. It gives me hope that this little one is still growing.
Not Tired: I am not tired at all, in fact I wake up around 5am and can't get back to sleep and at night I am  not tired at all. I typically go to bed by 10pm, now it's past 11:30pm. I feel like it might be because of the lack of exercise.

Saturday, December 10, 2011

Beta #2

First off I can't believe my result were ready at 9:41 this morning. I went in at 8am. I didn't even have to call and hound them to send the results, amazing. That is the first time this year I didn't have to freak out...finally.
Beta #2 is 1469. Sounds good to me. I haven't done much research on beta numbers, I have just read from other blogs that the first beta number needs to at least double by second beta time. I am just going to go with that and be happy today.
My ultrasound is scheduled on December 22nd. I will hopefully schedule it at 8am so I don't have to wait all day.

Thursday, December 8, 2011


I can hardly believe it! Well, I guess I can because when I look back at this past week I totally had all the symptoms and I still do!

My beta today was 391 so nice and strong!

I did POAS last night and it had 2 lines before I could even put the lid back on. We are beyond excited to get past this first hurdle. I know there are many more the next few weeks but right now I feel it's so not real.

Thanks again for your prayers, positive thoughts and wonderful comments!

Here is my pic from last night. My sister thinks I am weird for sharing it but I still am going to share!

Wednesday, December 7, 2011

Tomorrow Is Beta Day

It's been a hell of a road getting to tomorrow. Today I feel like I will be ok. I know I want this to work more than anything in the world but I think I am prepared for the worse. I plan on taking a test tonight. I have purchased pee tests and I decided that finding out together will be better than finding out at work, alone. Besides I guarantee the lab will mess up my STAT order as they always do. Thanks for all the positive thoughts, kind words and for cheering me on this year. I won't post until I hear my beta number so probably tomorrow afternoon sometime.

Tuesday, December 6, 2011

The Wait...

I was so confident while on bed rest in Colorado. I don't know what changed when I came home. I have been anxious and so nervous. I know it's not good to be like this, I just can't control it. I wish it was Saturday, on that day I will know the results and have a day off. I am too scared to POAS because I don't want to see only 1 line, I will be too scared to answer that 303 number on Thursday because I don't want to hear the words "You're Not Pregnant". I wish CCRM would just not call if it was negative I would be fine with that. I think hearing those words are going to be hard. I want to POAS the night before but I am just too scared to buy a test let alone pee on it. I told my family and friends that if they don't hear from me, it's not good news. I want to be more hopeful and positive right now so bad. I keep telling myself to be.
CCRM gave me a 60% chance at success so I feel like I can only try to be 60% positive. I know we transferred an amazing embryo but sometimes I don't think that matters.
Obviously this wait is not going well, this is the worse waiting I have ever done in my life. I know I will make it no matter what I am still praying and hoping for the best.

Sunday, December 4, 2011


After today I only have 4 more days to go. I have been very confident one minute that this worked and then not so much the next. I want to POAS so bad, I just keep telling myself to go buy one and just do it already, then I won't have to feel this worry anymore. Ugh, the mental battle I am having with myself is killing me. I was thinking about POAS on Thursday morning, the morning of beta day so when I get the call I will be prepared. I really can't imagine getting the call at work and not crying not matter what the result is. DH is dead set against that but he can be easily convinced. I also think the lab folk will mess up the results for me like they do every time I go there. 

I know many don't have any symptoms during the 2ww (9 days). But I just want to put it out there what I have had.

Symptoms: 1dpt & 2dpt: I didn't have much the first couple of days, just some light cramping in the uterus. It kinda felt like ovulation pain. Not strong at all.
3dpt: My breast are sore to touch. Sore lower back and tired quickly which I think both are related to bed rest.
4dpt: Super sore breasts, sore lower back and on/off AF type cramping but not as strong, super bloated. My entire body felt like I was run down, almost flu like but I am not sick.
5dpt: Sore breasts, not as sore as past days. Some of those AF type cramping again.

I know most of what I am feeling can and probably is due to the medications I am on, estrogen and progesterone. The week of Thanksgiving when I upped my estrogen I felt nauseous that entire week and my breast were super duper tender but the week of FET all of that went away. I can clearly not trust my body it is not my own. I just keep praying that this is working. 

After FET Medications: 
Vivelle (Estrogen, 4 patches) -changed every other day
Prometrium (Progesterone 200mg) -inserted vaginally 3x per day
Baby aspirin - one per day
Vitamin D supplement - one per night
Prenatal vitamins - one per night

Friday, December 2, 2011

Home Again

It's nice to be home again and relaxing on the coach. I am officially done with bed rest but I am still taking it easy. The embryo should have implanted by now and I sure hope it continues to dig in deep for the long haul. I hate that my mind can't stop thinking about what could possibly be going on in my uterus. I wish my body would give me some sort of sign that this really worked. I guess I will just have to wait until Thursday. I am not going to test before that day. I don't even own any pregnancy tests and haven't even purchased one of those in over a year so that part should be easy. I am sure I will have good days and bad days until beta day.