Thursday, April 3, 2014

Life After A BFN

Let me tell you, it's sucks. I keep thinking I should be pregnant right now but instead I am having to deal with the most heavy period ever!!!!

People tell me... it's not the end of the world, at least I have a child and that child is healthy. Well, you know what I say to that FUCK YOU!!!! I fought hard for the child we have now where most people can just have some fun sex and make babies, we CAN'T and we will NEVER be able to do that.

As you can tell I am still pretty upset by all of this. I have not had a re-group with Dr. G yet. He called to say his small piece on Monday but I need to call and schedule a re-group. I guess I am not ready to do that yet because I have not called yet to do that. I am pretty sure I will be charged for that...

Right now I want another child more than ever. I know good embryos don't always equal a child but I really wanted mine too.

We don't know where to go from here, I wish 3 years ago I would have borrowed the money to bank more embryos but we didn't. Now, if we did another cycle, I just don't know if we would get any that made it to day 5 to even get tested. That would be $$ down the drain...ugh...why is this so difficult. So right now I don't know where we will go from here. If anyone has any advice please let me know your thoughts!!!


  1. I don't have any advice for you Krista but I know how frustrated you are. I've dealt with BFN after BFN - and it's awful. I, too, wish we had more embryos from our cycle but we don' for us, I think our little miracle is it for us. So sad for you. I wish it would have worked.

  2. all I can say is wait to regroup with Dr. G. and then from what he says make your decision if you do another fresh cycle or not. If in your heart you want a sibling for your baby then go for it where there is a will there is a way. think positive and hope for the best.

  3. Ugh, I'm so sorry Krista. I hate that any of us feel greedy or whatever for wanting to grow our families. Why should ANYONE have to feel forced to "settle" for one child if our dream was to have more. Praying you figure out a way to do this.

  4. Ugh I totally feel for you :( I'd tell them to to F off too haha Most people think they are being helpful when they say those things "At least you have one healthy child" but in reality its just another knife to the heart when you want another child so badly. I wish I could wave a magic wand and fix this for you xo

  5. Krista, I am in the same boat. I have a beautiful healthy boy but really want another baby. We also tried with our last frozen embryo last month and a BFN. So I started seeing my therapist again and she told me my answer would come and your answers will come too. I know in my heart I will not be satisfied at least not trying one more time with a fresh cycle and if that turns out to be unsuccessful I can feel I did everything I could. I am in no ways ready to do it tomorrow but in the near future when I feel ready. I hope that you find your answer. And whatever it is that you can be at peace with it.

    1. Maybe I need a therapist because I just don't feel like I will ever be happy. thanks for the kind words!

  6. I don't have any advice, but I am so sorry you are going through all of this. I do understand the disappointment. We were finally lucky to have our son after 3 failed pregnancies. We are blessed with an amazing son who is almost 10. We love him more then anything. But it breaks my heart that he is our only child. We were lucky enough to get pregnant easily the first 4 times, but trying for number 2 was different. I haven't been able to get pregnant at all, and we only went through basic infertility treatments. We tried for 6 years and we were in no position to spend thousands of dollars to try to get pregnant. Even though we know we are so lucky to have one healthy child, it doesn't make the hurt any less when you want another child. Again, I am so sorry for what you are going through. I will keep you in my thoughts.

  7. Just came across your blog tonight because we are currently on our quest for baby number 2 and are going through CCRM for an IVF round after many failed rounds here in AZ.

    So many people tell us the same, "you are so lucky you have your daughter," while they continue on having 2,3,4 more kids. We have a right to want more and like you, it is hardest for me to see my daughter without a sibling. This is a shitty ass card we have been dealt and many times I have thought I need professional help to cope with everything. Praying for you to have some clarity on what path you all choose to take.