I Hate Roller Coasters

Yep, I am on that horrible infertility roller coaster again and it sucks! I never forgot how bad it sucked and actually it sucks even worse this time around. Probably because I know that this IS it and we will never try again this again. We love our son so much and he has brought so much joy to our lives, it hurts to think we can't have more.

So, I have done two ER at our new clinic. I won't bore anyone with all the results but out of 2 rounds we got a total of 24 eggs but only 18 mature. Last Saturday was the last ER and we ended up with 15 fertilized normally on that Sunday. I am not going to lie, I was expecting none and was blown away. They do not do a day 3 report because they don't want to disrupt the embryos because they only transfer blastocysts. I was fine with that. We should be getting a call Friday or Saturday to see if we have any survivors. Right now that is far as my brain can think because I can only take this one day at a time. I don't like to think or plan ahead. I am hoping for the best but like usual expecting the worse. Damn infertility...fuck you!!!

Shots...

Yep, we are really doing this. I went in for my CD3 u/s last week and I had 22 eggs. WTF and HFS how could this be?! I just hope I can get that many eggs for the ER! I am not expecting that because, well, I have never had that many eggs, not even 5 years ago. Who knows maybe the vitamin cocktail is actually working?! Both my husband and i are almost 40 and we both had way better "tests" this time around. I don't want to say it out loud but some things are too good to be true and we both just hope everything goes well next month. I really don't want to do 2 stims, that just sounds terrible but in all reality I am older and the odds are against us.

So Lupron started today, I can't believe this is really happening. ER isn't scheduled until 3/26, seems sooooooo far away yet I feel like it's right there.

I feel so weird doing this again but I feel like if we don't try one more time, well, that is one decision I will regret for the rest of my life. My new doctor likes to push the limits and I really like that, especially at my age. Here we go!

The Road Ahead

It is so weird going to another clinic, especially when I was and still am really happy with CCRM. Nobody will even compare to CCRM, the facilities, doctors...costs. Thankfully technology has improved over the last several years and more places are able to do chromosome testing, which is what we need.

Looks like we will begin everything in February and egg retrieval will be scheduled around March 24th. I can't even wrap my head around any of it especially since we might do two egg retrievals...UGH!!!!

We received the most amazing news, my husband's sperm is twice as better than when we did IVF before, that was my biggest worry. The swimmer's improved from 6% to 13%, still horribly abnormal but more swimmers means more/better sperm to choose from.

Going back for more!?!?!?!?!

So we could quite possibly doing this again. I go in Thursday for my CD3 ultrasound to see what is left on these ovaries. I am not getting any younger, which I am very happy about in my life except for the fact that you start to product less eggs, other than that I loved getting older.

So, if anyone reads this anymore and knows of anyone that is selling IVF meds please let me know. I would love to save money where I can this time around. I will find out more of what I need but I am sure gonal-f will & menopur. I know most of everyone I followed before is either pregnant (naturally) or have moved on with their babies. I know you are not supposed to buy or sell but whatever...

I leave you with some pics of my love, time moves so quickly and I wish I could just make it stop!