Last Day of 2011 and More Spotting

I could really do without the spotting. It's not a lot and it's definitely brown but it is still there. It came last night before I went to bed and then it pretty much stops. No cramping is included at all, so that makes me feel a little better. TMI here: When I put my suppositories in last night and this morning and I checked my cervix and if feels very, very soft. I had a leep done in 2006 so my cervix is cut diagonal. I am hoping this is where the spotting is coming from. I will remember for the next FET to get a PIO shots instead, I wonder if it's too late to switch now? I am not going to call CCRM but I am going to call my OB on Tuesday. I already have an appointment with them on Jan. 12 but I am so freaked out about this cervix.

I am grateful for everything that happened in 2011. There were many cancelled cycles, many shots and many tears but it is all worth it because we finally got our BFP. I am however, so ready for 2012 to be here. Each week of 2012 will bring us closer to meeting this little one. 

                                                      Happy New Year Everyone!

Today's Ultrasound!

HFS! Finally, we heard and saw a heartbeat! It was 126 bpm! I am in shock and totally relieved! The Dr. found the heart beat immediately. Everything is growing fine and he said the gestational sac was perfect. This little one was measured at 6week 6 days so one day ahead, which I am happy about!

So I guess I was freaked out for no reason. Well, the damn ER folks freaked me out way too much, oh and so did the bleeding and cramping. He said the bleeding was probably from the suppositories because he didn't find any source of the bleeding. I know I don't have the best cervix because I had a leep done in 2006.
So I am off to finally call my OB to let them know I am pregnant. I know we have a long ways to go but today was one step closer to where we need to be.

Thank you all for listening to my crazy journey and for really helping me through these last 2 weeks. I really appreciate all of the prayers!

6.4 week Lab Results

I am a little concerned that my Estradoil went down. I asked my nurse and she said it was fine that this number fluctuates a lot. Well, I think by now (6.4 weeks) it should be going up higher on it's own because I am pregnant. Concerning to say the least.

Estradoil: 436 (still on 4 vivelle patches, changing every other day)

Progesterone: 12.5 (3 prometrium suppositories vaginally daily)

One Day Closer

I woke up this morning to some more spotting when I went to the rest room. I couldn't believe it. I have been taking it really easy so I know it's not that. I felt great yesterday but the days before I had some light AF type cramping on and off. I don't think any of these are good signs. I didn't have any cramping yesterday and I don't today. The spotting is brownish this time at least. I keep hoping it's nothing and they will find a reason for the spotting tomorrow. Even it they don't find a reason and everything is growing normally and there is a heartbeat I am totally fine with the spotting. Tomorrow can't come soon enough for us. I am sick of waiting and just want to know one way or another what is going on. I keep thinking to myself this can't be happening. I wish I could have found an u/s place that is open today but no such luck. I am not going to the ER again.

                                         

                                                Hope everyone had a great Christmas! 

Possibly 6 weeks today?

I still feel pregnant so that is my motivation right now for me to think everything is going to be OK.  My boobs are crazy sore with many veins on them already. Also the smells I smell, I am not nausea but I and not hungry either. I literally have to force myself to eat 3 times a day. This morning my husband made me oatmeal and I couldn't eat it because it smelled like tuna.
Of course in the back of my mind I am prepared for the worst on Tuesday but right now I have to just hope and pray for the best. I pray all day long that God put his hands around this little one and helps it grow so someday I can put my arms around him or her.
I can't say things haven't been rough, of course I googled every word from the u/s I received when I went to the ER and having an irregular shaped gestational sac is not a good thing. But there were so many conflicting things from that report that I have just been trying to put it out of my head.
I know there are a lot of prayer going up to God right now from all out our immediate family members we told. They have all been through the entire process with us so they know everything that is going on. I tell me mom, dad and sisters everything, probably too much.
It's so amazing how much infertility affects so many people. My MIL called to tell me a story on the day I told her I had bleeding. She called her sister (about my bleeding/miscarriage scare) who was at a Shop.ko in Sou.th Dak.ota to tell her the news so they decided to pray together. Her sister stopped in an aisle in the store and prayed out loud with my MIL on the phone. Of course 2 people over heard her 1 man, 1 women, not a couple either. Both were or had someone they knew also going through infertility. The man and his wife did 11 IUI's and are moving on to IVF and the women's relative had IVF and now had a baby of her own. They both prayed for us too. The man even asked what our first names were so he could pray for us.
I pray everyone gets to hold their baby after infertility. I know, no matter what happens on Tuesday. We will be OK. We are prepared for whatever the outcome may be.

A Call From My Nurse

CCRM called this morning and asked how I was doing. I told them how much blood there was and almost everything else. The nurse told me you can get bleeding from doing to much and believe me I know I did way to much on Friday at work and Saturday morning. The nurse did seemed concerned but not to the point where they wanted to check anything. I asked about doing another beta test and she said the only thing they can do now is wait for the u/s. She said the earliest I could get in is Friday but Monday would be better. Of course everything is closed on 12/26. I said I could go Friday and she said that was still really early and if they didn't see anything I would have to go back again. I decided to just wait until 12/27, yes, I will go crazy between now and then but it's the best for results.
I did not tell my nurse I went to the ER and what the u/s said. I just couldn't since she told me it was too early for an ultrasound. I was told to call immediately if I have any more bleeding. I decided to call off sick from work today. I can't not tell you the last time I called in sick at work. Sure I have taken sick days due to IF treatments but I have not called in sick from work in 3 years.
I am going to try to have faith and hope for the best.  At least now I know I am totally prepared for the worst for my u/s. It feels better to be prepared.

No More Bleeding

Today I am feeling super sad. I keep crying off and on. I just can't control it. I have read tons of stories online with situations just like mine. Some turned out fine, some, not so fine. The bleeding has stopped completely, some brownish discharge but nothing else. I don't have any cramping. I still just continue to feel like AF is about to arrive any minute. I have been feeling like that since the 3dpt.
I wish I would have never had the u/s done at the ER yesterday. It's results are consuming my thoughts. I will need to somehow try to make it until Dec. 27th for my u/s with my local RE. I pray that everything looks normal. According to the ultrasound yesterday I have and enlarged yolk sac and the gestational sac is irregularly shaped. Both of those results usually end up in miscarriage. I know it's early on and sometimes this can still end up fine but it's hard to imagine that it will be fine for us. This wait is going to kill me.

Back From ER

I hate going to the ER but I just had to go. I started have bright red blood when I sat down on the toilet it was dripping a lot!  I don't know what to take from the ER doc, she said she thinks I will have a miscarriage based on my ultrasound results but all my other levels look great.
My beta today is: 20,113
They saw 1 gestational sac but said it was somewhat irregular in configuration with at least one distinct concave margin. WTF! They also said it was measuring at 7weeks 5 days, um that is crazy as I am only 5 weeks 2 days. The doctor did tell me that it is too early to find out much from an ultrasound right now.
I freaked out when they wanted to give me the RH shot because I am A-, I told them that means I am having a miscarriage, I cried.  The doctor told me I could refuse but if I did have a miscarriage I would need to come back and get one. I just don't know what to take from all of this. I got the damn shot so now my mind is going crazy!
I don't know what to take from it all. I am just going to rest. The bright red bleeding has stopped and it now just brown. I don't have any cramping, I just feel like I have for the past 2 weeks, like I am about to start my period any minute.
I know I did over do it the last 2 days. I was on my feet for 5 hours yesterday and constantly walking back and forth and running errands all over town this morning. UGH!
I called CCRM and left a message on the nurse line but it's the weekend and I don't expect to hear from them until Monday. At this point nothing can really be done any ways but rest.

Spotting! Help!

Please tell me it's normal! I went out shopping this morning and obviously did too much walking, I am spotting lightly, no bright red blood but it's there, it looks pink. I am super freaked out!

OK there is bright red blood now! Going to ER~

5weeks

I found myself feeling very anxious yesterday. I had to get my Estradiol and Progesterone checked. Of course the labs folk decided to take their time and didn't get the results to CCRM until 5pm, I had to call them 3 times to make it happen. UHG! That shit drives me crazy. 


Here are my results: 
Estradiol: 533 (4 vivelle patches, every other day)
Progesterone: 10 (3 prometrium suppositories daily, vaginally)
I am staying on the same dosage.


Oh and I guess I was way off on the ultrasound. I actually am not schedule until December 26th and of course nothing is open that day so I have to wait until December 27th for my first u/s. Needless to say I have peed on a few sticks to make me feel better. 


Today I am 5 weeks 2days. I wish time would hurry along and I wish my mind would stop obsessing! 

Another 2WW

This time it really is a full 2 weeks possibly 2 weeks and a couple days. I am so nervous for the ultrasound. I am hoping and praying for a nice strong heartbeat. My mind thinks about it all day long. I am probably going to POAS a few times before the u/s sound I can confirm I am still pregnant. My mom and others  think I am crazy to be so worried but as we all know just because you are pregnant does not mean you are out of the woods yet. The day I hold our baby will be the day I will stop worrying about this pregnancy.
I know several have mentioned that my beta numbers are really high and there could possibly be twins. Here is my take on my high beta numbers. My opinion has no medical evidence, it's just how I feel. I transferred a 5AA, 6 day embryo, already hatching out of the shell.  I just think it implanted without any delay and it just kept on growing.  I know for sure we only transferred one. What if we did have a splitter? Well, we would be fine with that. We were not seeking twins in this process but if that happened naturally, we would be fine with that. I personally don't think that happened, I think there is only a less than 5% chance of that happening. I guess we will see next week!

Symptoms so far:
Sore boobs: Yes, they are sore and a lot fuller already. Husband hopes they stay this way. I do too, it's kinda nice.
Bloated: Ugh! I think it's because of the extra hormones (estrogen especially). My pants are already tight in the waist.
Cramping: I typically have AF type cramping, usually when I am walking around. It's not bad, it's actually kinda nice. It gives me hope that this little one is still growing.
Not Tired: I am not tired at all, in fact I wake up around 5am and can't get back to sleep and at night I am  not tired at all. I typically go to bed by 10pm, now it's past 11:30pm. I feel like it might be because of the lack of exercise.

Beta #2

First off I can't believe my result were ready at 9:41 this morning. I went in at 8am. I didn't even have to call and hound them to send the results, amazing. That is the first time this year I didn't have to freak out...finally.
Beta #2 is 1469. Sounds good to me. I haven't done much research on beta numbers, I have just read from other blogs that the first beta number needs to at least double by second beta time. I am just going to go with that and be happy today.
My ultrasound is scheduled on December 22nd. I will hopefully schedule it at 8am so I don't have to wait all day.

Pregnant!

I can hardly believe it! Well, I guess I can because when I look back at this past week I totally had all the symptoms and I still do!

My beta today was 391 so nice and strong!

I did POAS last night and it had 2 lines before I could even put the lid back on. We are beyond excited to get past this first hurdle. I know there are many more the next few weeks but right now I feel it's so not real.

Thanks again for your prayers, positive thoughts and wonderful comments!

Here is my pic from last night. My sister thinks I am weird for sharing it but I still am going to share!

Tomorrow Is Beta Day

It's been a hell of a road getting to tomorrow. Today I feel like I will be ok. I know I want this to work more than anything in the world but I think I am prepared for the worse. I plan on taking a test tonight. I have purchased pee tests and I decided that finding out together will be better than finding out at work, alone. Besides I guarantee the lab will mess up my STAT order as they always do. Thanks for all the positive thoughts, kind words and for cheering me on this year. I won't post until I hear my beta number so probably tomorrow afternoon sometime.

The Wait...

I was so confident while on bed rest in Colorado. I don't know what changed when I came home. I have been anxious and so nervous. I know it's not good to be like this, I just can't control it. I wish it was Saturday, on that day I will know the results and have a day off. I am too scared to POAS because I don't want to see only 1 line, I will be too scared to answer that 303 number on Thursday because I don't want to hear the words "You're Not Pregnant". I wish CCRM would just not call if it was negative I would be fine with that. I think hearing those words are going to be hard. I want to POAS the night before but I am just too scared to buy a test let alone pee on it. I told my family and friends that if they don't hear from me, it's not good news. I want to be more hopeful and positive right now so bad. I keep telling myself to be.
CCRM gave me a 60% chance at success so I feel like I can only try to be 60% positive. I know we transferred an amazing embryo but sometimes I don't think that matters.
Obviously this wait is not going well, this is the worse waiting I have ever done in my life. I know I will make it no matter what I am still praying and hoping for the best.

5dpt

After today I only have 4 more days to go. I have been very confident one minute that this worked and then not so much the next. I want to POAS so bad, I just keep telling myself to go buy one and just do it already, then I won't have to feel this worry anymore. Ugh, the mental battle I am having with myself is killing me. I was thinking about POAS on Thursday morning, the morning of beta day so when I get the call I will be prepared. I really can't imagine getting the call at work and not crying not matter what the result is. DH is dead set against that but he can be easily convinced. I also think the lab folk will mess up the results for me like they do every time I go there. 


I know many don't have any symptoms during the 2ww (9 days). But I just want to put it out there what I have had.


Symptoms: 1dpt & 2dpt: I didn't have much the first couple of days, just some light cramping in the uterus. It kinda felt like ovulation pain. Not strong at all.
3dpt: My breast are sore to touch. Sore lower back and tired quickly which I think both are related to bed rest.
4dpt: Super sore breasts, sore lower back and on/off AF type cramping but not as strong, super bloated. My entire body felt like I was run down, almost flu like but I am not sick.
5dpt: Sore breasts, not as sore as past days. Some of those AF type cramping again.


I know most of what I am feeling can and probably is due to the medications I am on, estrogen and progesterone. The week of Thanksgiving when I upped my estrogen I felt nauseous that entire week and my breast were super duper tender but the week of FET all of that went away. I can clearly not trust my body it is not my own. I just keep praying that this is working. 


After FET Medications: 
Vivelle (Estrogen, 4 patches) -changed every other day
Prometrium (Progesterone 200mg) -inserted vaginally 3x per day
Baby aspirin - one per day
Vitamin D supplement - one per night
Prenatal vitamins - one per night

Home Again

It's nice to be home again and relaxing on the coach. I am officially done with bed rest but I am still taking it easy. The embryo should have implanted by now and I sure hope it continues to dig in deep for the long haul. I hate that my mind can't stop thinking about what could possibly be going on in my uterus. I wish my body would give me some sort of sign that this really worked. I guess I will just have to wait until Thursday. I am not going to test before that day. I don't even own any pregnancy tests and haven't even purchased one of those in over a year so that part should be easy. I am sure I will have good days and bad days until beta day.

WOW, PUPO!

I have been waiting a long time to say that. I currently on bed rest at our hotel downtown Denver. A snowstorm is coming tonight and tomorrow and I am so excited! I must say I am so glad we stay here instead of Lone Tree. Even though I am confined to the bed, there are a lot more options for food and I am enjoying the view from my room.

Here is the most amazing pic ever, I just can't stop staring at it!

So here is my FET recap. First off, Terry from the lab called at 8am asking how many we wanted to transfer. As I mentioned we have been on the fence about this. I told him we had not decided yet and we need to call back. After much talk the night before and that morning we decided to stick with 1 embryo. It came down to complete faith in each embryo. I just felt these 2 made it this far for a reason and they will be survive.
The entire start to finish went super fast. We weren't schedule until 3pm for the actual transfer but I arrived at CCRM for labs and acupuncture at 1:15pm. The acupuncture was actually in the room you do the transfer in. I really am glad I spend the the extra money on acupuncture. Tanya was amazing I really, really enjoyed it, I wish I could take her back to Arizona with me. As soon as acupuncture was done, which was around 2pm the ultrasound tech came in and said we are ready to go. Dr. G is ready, the embryo is ready, so we need to get moving. I had told them I didn't even have my valuim yet. They gave it to me quickly and Dr. G came in to go over the transfer details. Our 5AA was the one chosen for transfer and he/she thawed 100% with no damage. He said it thawed so good that we had to put it in right away because it was completely hatching out of the shell. The embryologist also said, "they should all look like that".  I was so excited to hear that. The staff is really good at making you feel good. Of course I was scared the entire time before transfer that it would not thaw correctly. Now I wish I didn't waste so much energy on stuff like that.
Next the u/s ladies checked my bladder, it was ready to go and we were off. Dr. G did a trial run and he did have a little trouble getting through my cervix because of scar tissue but he was able to use a smaller catheter to get through. The entire procedure was completely painless. It was just so amazing to see the embryo on the screen and then the spot it was place in my uterus.
There were a few confusions during the procedure since everything was so rushed. When the embryologist came to check my arm band, verify name and confirm the number of embryos she was shocked that I didn't have one yet and the nurse had to come in to give that to me. No big deal really to me but I could tell they were like, what, no arm band?
After the procedure I had to go in the bedpan. I tried to hold it but it was too painful. I had after the transfer acupuncture and then when our time was up, we were able to leave. I felt a little woozy from the valium and slept in the hotel when I got back.

Today I am scared to move, sneeze and laugh. I watched Bridesmaids and I was laughing so hard I felt bad but the acupuncturist said it was good to laugh.
Out pregnancy test is Thursday, December 8th. Now that it is all over I am feeling cautiously confident that it will work.
Thank you all for your support and for such wonderful blogs. This is my first IVF and my first FET and without the knowledge from everyones blog I would not know as much as I do. So thank you all!

FET Officially Scheduled

I got the call from CCRM today that my FET is scheduled for Tuesday, November 29th at 3pm. I need to arrive at 1:15pm to do the pre-transfer acupuncture. My progesterone is good it came it at 9.5, they want it >5. During the phone call today they asked how many we are transferring and I told them only one. I have been on the fence about this since the CCS results. The entire time before IVF I was so excited at the chance of possibly having twins, I guess that all changed during the re-group with Dr. G. I want the best possible outcome for all of this and I know transferring two would increase those chances but two is all we have. I know one does not need the other to survive. Right now I hoping and praying everything goes well with the thaw and this little miracle continues to grow.

It's Really Happening

We are headed to CO on Monday. My Estradiol was 320, they want it above 300. My lining was 8. They want it 8 or higher. I feel like I am on the low end for both but I guess I made the cut. Julie, my nurse, said they would call on Sunday to tell me the time of my transfer on Tuesday. I can't believe that it is really happening. I am glad to have the next 4 days off to pull everything together.

*I forgot to mention there was a triple pattern :)
                                                        
                                                          Happy Thanksgiving Everyone!

Liebster Blog Award!

Thank you Josey over at My Cheap Version of Therapy for my blogger award yesterday!  I have been following along with Josey's journey long before I started blogging. She is currently expecting Rockstar (baby #1) who is due in December, a Capricorn I believe. Thanks for all of your support and kindness! If you didn't give me this award you have been on my list.
So, I am told Liebster is German for "favorite" or "beloved".  With that I am passing this award on to my top 5 bloggers. I follow many but there are 5 women out there, 4 of which are going to the same clinic as me and 1 who has Robertsonian Translocation, just like my situation.  


1)  My Fertility Blog: Currently on this roller coaster of hell that IF gives all of us. She too is cycling at CCRM. They have severe male factor and endo to deal with.  Hoping for a happy ending for her and her husband! Wishing them all the best!

2)  Little Diiorios: Iveta is almost 20 week along with her first baby, should know the gender this week! Her husband has oobstructive azoospermia the only way they could have a baby is through IVF! They traveled all the way from Canada to go to CCRM in CO to create their Shining Star!


3) The Journey Continues: Mannie is currently 21 week along with her first baby. It's a Girl! Manni and her husband are both CF carriers. They to went to that famous CO clinic to have genetic testing done, and found success.


4) Jelly's Bean: Jen is also going to CCRM in CO. Her and her husband have been TTC to for 5 years. They are looking to do another ER in 2012 to get more normal embryos, they currently have 1 waiting for them in CO.


5) Thirtiesgirl: She is waiting for her genetic testing results and should know any minute. She has a balanced Robertsonian Translocation which basically means when you reproduce you can produce more abnormals than the average person due to how the chromosomes can split and carry on one another (it's a lot more complicated than that but I won't list all the details).


Each and every blog gives me hope, knowledge and pure support. Sometimes more support than a sister or a best friend because let's face it, they always don't understand what you are talking about. So if you received this award from me you are suppose to pass it on to 5 fellow bloggers! I read so many more blogs that it was hard just doing 5 but I know we are all connected in some way that you will get recognized!

FET is 9 Days Away!

I guess my post from last week should have said 2 weeks instead of 3 weeks, because right now we are 9 days away from our very first FET! I am beyond excited and really nervous. CCRM sent me all the consent forms which really made this finally feel real. I got our plane tickets this weekend and booked the hotel room. We are not staying in Lone Tree this time we decided to stay in Denver. I know I will be on bed rest for my entire stay but we really didn't feel like staying in Lone Tree. We could still get cancelled but I am not going to focus energy on that right now. I am currently on 3 vivelle patches and my tummy is looking like it did after the ER, bloated! I hope and pray every night for our 2 embryos we have waiting for us in CO. Right now we have decided to only put in 1, that could still change.

Labs & On Track With Calendar

Another mess up with the labs people yesterday. I thought I have gotten good at this but I guess not. Of course they didn't do a STAT order even though I reminded them about it and even asked what time the results would be done before I left. I got my labs done at 9am, called them at 2pm to check they were done and they said they sent the blood out. The lady on the phone tried to tell me STAT orders does not mean they will be done STAT.  I of course freaked out. I finally tracked it all down and my nurse called and said she still didn't get them. Finally, they arrived to CCRM at 5pm (I am so happy CO is on the same time as AZ now). I will be going directly to the labs that process the blood instead of the location that takes the blood for my next 2 procedures.
Nothing changed with my calendar. My Estradiol was 955, that seems crazy high to me. I probably have a cyst but even when I had them before my Estradiol was never that high. CCRM wants it >50. My nurse didn't seemed too concerned so I guess I will take it. Hope all goes well with the u/s & labs on Nov. 23rd.

3 Weeks!

If all goes well I will be leaving for Colorado in 3 weeks! I am super busy with work so I think time will go really fast! I feel scared, anxious, excited and extremely nervous. I added the vivelle patches last Thursday. The only side effect so far is I have been really bloated at night, and that is with only 1 patch. I up my patches on Thursday. I have my Estrodiol checked on Wednesday to make sure I am responding well to the patches. Other than that I have added the daily baby aspirin and I am down to 5 units of Lupron instead of 10.
I really need to purchase tickets and book a hotel room yet. We haven't decided if we are staying in Lone Tree for the FET or we may stay closer to Denver this time. My husband plans snowboarding most of the time I am on bed rest and it would be nice being closer to our group of friends that live in Denver. I guess I better figure it out this week.

AF Arrive On Time

I was a little worried it would be late because of the Lupron but AF arrived yesterday around 5pm. I emailed the main nurses email last night to let them know. I called this morning too, I have yet to hear from anyone but I think I just stick with my calendar, I am pretty sure they consider CD1 the first full day of flow, which would be today. Either way I don't think my calendar will change. I guess I was so excited AF came that I missed my Lupron shot this morning. Totally forgot so my husband brought it to me at work and I gave myself a shot in his car, in the parking lot. Oh the things we do! I am feeling a little more relaxed and this is all really starting to sink in. I am probably going to purchase plane tickets this week.

Preparing

I started Lupron yesterday. Not a big deal really, my ovaries were a little achy this morning so I sure hope they are getting suppressed. I feel a little on edge too. I keep telling my husband it's the drugs. I sure hope I am right because I don't feel like myself.  I have my Estradiol checked on the 11/16. I emailed my new nurse Julie and asked her what number they were looking for.  I am prone to cysts, although I know that they don't matter during a FET, but cysts can produce high levels of Estradiol. She said they are looking for 50 or above. This determines if you lining is too thin.  On 11/23 when I do labs & u/s they are looking for anything over 300. Annie (old nurse) wrote me Monday to tell me she is no longer my nurse because she is only working very part-time. I have no preference in who my nurse is, as long as someone answers my questions, I am happy. I really want to book plane tickets but I am scared my FET will get cancelled so we might just wait to purchase them until after the 16th but they are so damn cheap right now I might just purchase them.
Next up...I stop BCP's on Saturday and wait for AF to arrive.

Getting Closer

4 weeks. I can't believe we are doing the FET in 4 weeks. It truely blows my mind. I have been waiting for this day for so long and I pray every night and most often throughout the day that this works. Right now I am taking BCP's and I start Lupron on Tuesday. I am very busy at work until the end of the year but will be taking the week off from work for the FET.  I don't plan on telling anyone at work. Right now only immediate family and a few close friends know. I have cut back on my exercising a lot this week. I need to probably eat a lot more fruits & veggies. It's that time of year when there are so many yummy foods and desserts that are being shared. I can't resist myself. Tonight I am having a few beers for the last time until the FET. I am doing my best to stay positive, I know I want this more than anything.

FET Scheduled

Today is CD1 and CCRM called me to schedule a tentative date for our upcoming FET. As of right now it will be Tuesday, November 29th. I really wanted Dr. G to do the FET so that's the date I got. I rather have done it on a Friday but in the end it really doesn't matter when I do it. It seems so close yet so far away. I am anxious, yet very scared. So I really need to concentrate on my diet (no more alcohol), exercise (less) and good overall mental health (be positive). I will be reading over all of your FET's experiences like crazy.

Ramblings

Acupuncture: I really wanted this to work for me and truley believe it has long term benefits but I have decided not so do it and save money.  It costs $95 a session and that is just too much for us right now.  I think I will do it at CCRM though before and after the transfer to help relax me and my uterus.

Endo Biopsy: Well, I was torn on this one. I did decide to call and make an appointment but I couldn't get in until Nov. 15th.  I feel like that is too late as we could possibly be doing FET the first week in December.

FET: CD1 should be this weekend, I know they are starting me on BCP's for the first part and I am really concerned about that as I have ovulated through BCP's before. I am going to write my nurse and voice my concern on that plan. We are still leaning toward transferring only one. There are so many reasons and I do waiver back and forth everyday but my heart is telling me to only do one at a time.

Exercise:  In November I am going to cut back, a lot! I work out pretty hard sometimes and typically twice a day. I want to make sure my body is not stressed out from all the workouts.

Acu Update

I went to acupuncture on Friday. This is only my second time, ever. I went once before ER and didn't like the comment the lady said to me about octomom.  I just don't know how I feel about acupuncture. I try, I really try to relax. I don't mind the needles or anything it's just the relaxing part. My mind is going crazy, I am thinking about everything. I mean every little thing while I am trying to relax. Not good thoughts either.  I am just the type of person who has a hard time relaxing. I am going to give it a one more try, this time with someone else who specializes in infertility. I read all the benefits of acupuncture for IVF and I would really like it to benefit me. We shall see. Tomorrow I am going to call and schedule my endo biopsy. Also, we are leaning more towards only transferring one. That could change as it most often does daily.

Gyno Consult

Well my consult with my gyno today was pretty quick. She is nice, but I definaltey don't plan on staying with her once I get pregnant. I really want someone who knows about infertility. We talked about the endo biopsy, she said she doesn't think I need it but, there is something to be said about a "piece of mind". She said if I wanted to I could schedule it this week. I didn't do that as I am going to do more research. I asked if the test would affect my FET in December and she said no, they take such a small amount. I guess if I do this and everything turns out OK, maybe I would transfer two embryos. I am still deciding about that too. I don't know if my husband and I would be able to handle two, at once. I am sure we would figure it out quickly but we have no family to help us and going from no babies to two babies, scares us. But then again, we would be done and have our two! To Be Continued...

The Re-Group

I had the re-group on Friday. It went really well. I always feel so much better after I talk to Dr. G, he makes me feel so less stressed. We asked lost of questions.

First up was IMSI, why wasn't it done. Well he said that DH only had 400,000 sperm and of that only 4% were motile. Not good results so he said they were unable to do it with that few sperm. He also suggested that we bank some sperm just in case for the future.

Embryo Quality: 6 day vs 5 day. He said on day 5 our 2 embryos that we had left were eary blasts so that's why they let them grow until day 6.

Fertilization: why was it so bad for us? He said more than likely the sperm quality and the translocation. Although we only got 2 blasts he said that is 1 in 6, which are the expected results for the issues we have, so we got 2 out of 12. Dr. G really has a way of making me realize what we do have.

Endo Biopsy & the Protein: He said I shouldn't put myself through that, he didn't see any reason for me to. I am still going to see my gyno on Tuesday just to see what they think. He said on my u/s in CO my lining was 9mm and it had triple pattern which is suppose to be good.

Transferring: 1 or 2?!. He said I am a good candidate for both but also explained the complications of 2. I have to say we were leaning towards transfering 2 before the conversation but I think we are only going to transfer 1 now. I still have time to figure this out as we are not going to get things started until my next cycle which will be late October. I am so scared to put in both and lose both. I also am scared that my cervix can't handle 2. I had a LEEP done in 2008 so you never know. Dr. G went on to explain the possible complications of twins, really stuff that never crossed my mind.

So we got a lot of questions answered. He really gave us a lot to think about. It looks like the FET will be early December. I really wanted it to be sooner but with work and our schedules the later was just better for us.

Another CD1

With that hopefully another calendar for our upcoming FET. I don't know what the next step is but I guess I will find out. I was hoping to have CD1 wait until Friday but I guess not. I have to admit I am obsessing over our 2 embryos like crazy. I want to put both in because I really would like to have twins and never have to do this again. Yet, I am so scared that it won't work and we will lose both of them. These are some questions I have for Dr. G on Friday. My major concern is my uterus I want to make sure it will be a perfect home for them, so I am going to ask how my lining looked during all the u/s while were were in CO and about endo. I don't know much about endo but I have read so many blogs about it and I want to rule it out. I called my local gyno and they do a endo biopsy test in office so I was thinking about that. I am going to ask Dr. G of course what he thinks. I don't think I have endo but then I read on-line and most women don't know they have it. I spent way too much time on the internet this weekend reading about our embryo quality and endo. I mean way too much time where I was freaking myself out. I am spending time with a friend in Cali this weekend so I won't be obsessing so much.

Up Next

I called CCRM back yesterday to ask about scheduling and FET. My nurse told me to call them back on CD1. That should be next week sometime. I am pretty lost in my cycle right now, I know I ovulated but can't remember when that was. I think CD1 will be next Friday so that will be perfect, we have our re-group with Dr. G that day. I don't know anything about FET because I never thought I would get this far. I remember them talking to me about it when we were in CO but I told them we just want to take this one day at a time. Danielle (genetic counselor) even told me to schedule it when we were there in August. I did not do that of course. I have read over everyone's FET and I don't know whether I should do a medicated cycle or not. I guess that is something I will ask Dr. G next week. I am still over the moon that we have 2 normal embryos. With that new worries come up... the un-freeze, implantation and my work schedule. I am really busy during the fall/winter time in AZ. I work in recreation so it's the time of year we can actually enjoy the outdoors. I am going to start acupuncture again and listen to my positive audio books at work.

Results Are In...

Dr. G called me at 11:17am (AZ time). I couldn't believe it when I saw that 303 number calling me. I knew this was it. I was so ready for tears and bad news...but....we have 2 normal blasts. I can hardly believe it. I didn't even know what to say to Dr. G. I told him I was not expecting this at all and I thought this conversation was going to be about my next IVF cycle. He did mention doing another cycle to bank more embryos but I don't want any more than 2 kids. He did tell me they tested the 4 embryos that grew to day 3 and of the 4 only 1 was abnormal, it had an extra chromosome 22. We don't know if our children will have a balanced translocation like my husband but that is fine. I believe by the time they have kids they will be able to test each egg/sperm before fertilization. Anyways, we have a re-group with Dr. G on Sept 30th. I told him I will be able to talk to him more then, because the results are simply blowing my mind. I have never been pregnant but basically it felt like he was telling me we are pregnant. I know we have a long way to go. I am going to continue to take this one day at a time. We have no FET scheduled, no plans for anything yet.

Thank you all for your prayers and positive thoughts & energy. I really needed it! 

Results Not Ready

I feel like I have been stuck on a rollercoaster of emotions through this entire year. I really want to get off and try to relax and stay stress free for a bit. I called CCRM today like I said I would, I left a message at 7:50am AZ time and Annie called me back at 8:35am my time to let me know the results still are not in. She said it had to do with the microdose procedure that we did.  I have no idea what the means but I am fine with that. As long as they weren't holding out on me. She said we should have the results hopefully by Friday. I feel better just knowing the results aren't in yet. I am going to try to relax and not blame CCRM for my results, it's not their fault we have crappy sperm. It's nobody's fault and I need to be happy that we can even make our own embryos. I will post as soon as I hear the results...good or bad.

No Call?! No Results?!

I really, really hope they don't have the results yet. Why? Well, if they do have them and they made me wait 4 weeks to get them I will be pretty pissed and upset. I will lose all faith in CCRM that I ever had. So I hope that the results are really taking this long. I believe they have them and nobody is communicating it with each other. I know they are busy but I paid my 21,500, plus meds, plus travel, plus u/s & labs so I too deserve a phone call. I am calling again right away on Monday morning. I can't take it any more I want to either start planning for another cycle or FET. I hate to say it but we might not go back to CO for another IVF cycle, we feel like a lot of things should have happened better for us on this cycle. I know I have mentioned it here before but my local RE got Dr. G's wife pregnant with IVF so I trust him and feel he can do the same for me. I am not making any permanent decisions about future cycles until we find out the results and if the result are done how long they have been ready. These 4 weeks have been hell for me. I am so ready for the next step.

I Called-No Results Yet

Yep, I broke down and called. All of your comments had my stubborn ass convinced I better call. Guess what...no result yet! Annie told me because of the holiday it can take longer. She is going to ask the embryologist tomorrow about the results. The embryologist was gone today already. So hopefully I have my answer tomorrow. I still feel like the results are in. We shall see...

No Results

I am convinced that CCRM is afraid to call me with the results. It's been 3 weeks and 3 days since the embryos were tested. I know I should call but I am not going to make it easy for them. I want them to do their job and call me. I sound a little pissy I know, I think about the results all day, everyday and look at my phone all the time. I could be upset for no reason, we could have at least 1 normal embryo which I would be thrilled about but since I still have no results I am convinced the results are bad.

Too Scared To Call

I think a few others have had this same post. It was 2 weeks on Monday that they did the CCS testing so results should be here. I am not going to call, I am just going to wait until they call me, unless they don't call until October I will call them before that. I just want to hold on to what we do have. I don't want to start planning for the next step or another IVF right now. My husband and I are going to Vegas this weekend so I defiantly don't want bad news before out trip. My husband is working at the Ironman expo so I thought I would go along to help. We have adopted the Giuliani and Bill motto "the year of fun" ours won't actually be a year of fun but at least fun until next year.

IVF Refund?

Today I received a detail bill of my IVF treatment. It looks like CCRM actually owes us $500. Both my husband and I were so pissed about it. Basically, they didn't do IMSI so they owed us that money. The reason we were pissed because we just feel like that is the reason we had such a shitty fertilization rate. It just reminded us of the bad news we received 2 weeks ago today regarding our embryos. I think about our 2 embryos all the time. I just can't help it. I constantly wonder if they are abnormal. I want so much for them to be normal but...I can't help but think they are not. After all they used crappy sperm to fertilize the eggs. At this point I don't even want anyone to call with our CCS results. Even though my mind is prepared for the worst news, there is no doubt that I will still be completely crushed about the results. I constantly pray and hope for the 2 we have but I feel like it's not enough.

Regroup & Running

I scheduled our re-group with Dr. G. I wanted it sooner than later, it's not until Sept 30th but I guess at the time we will at least know what our CCS result will be. This is my first IVF and I really thought I wouldn't have to do it again. I really thought I would be one of those who only had to do it once. But, it looks like this isn't the case. As of now my plan is to cycle again if we are left with nothing. We won't do that until early 2012. We need to save up the money again. I have been freaked out about the amount of money we have spent and I think I need to concentrate more on what I could end up with. My BIL told my husband to not worry about the money. If we want a family we need to do what it takes. He has 3 adopted children and is $125,000 in the hole. Adoption is not cheap either. In case you are wondering, he has the same thing my husband has and decided to go the adoption route. Yes, it's hard not to worry about the money but...there are a lot of things I can live without to save money.
I ran the past 2 mornings, I have not run since my first shot on August 6th. My quads are a little sore but I am so happy to get back to something I love. I am only running 3-4 miles at a time to ease my way back into it. I can't believe how quickly your body can change from not exercising. I have run my whole life this is the longest break I have ever taken. I hated not being able to run in Colorado during our stay. Running is my crazy pill. It helps me make sense of things and it makes me feel amazing. Now I need to lose this belly. I don't know why you gain wait during this process but my belly certainly did. I do not like it and need to fix it.

Day 6 Report

And then there were 2. We have 2 beautiful blasts. Grades: 5AA & 5AB that doesn't really mean much since they could still be abnormal but at least they are abnormally strong. At least I know we can make embryos and really it's a 50/50 chance if they are abnormal. Ever since I got the horrible news last Wednesday that we only had 4, I was dead set on not doing the CCS testing and just freezing them and doing another cycle. But, after today's call, my husband and I just felt that we should do the CCS testing. I know they could both blasts come back abnormal, that is something I can't control. We both just felt that in our hearts we needed to go ahead as planned. I have to have faith. I told my husband I will always hope for the best but expect the worse. I know that sounds awful but I need that, it helps me prepare for what is next. I guess I could say" hope for the best and prepare for the worst" that sounds a little better. I am so glad I have this blog as an outlet and I know I am not the most positive blogger out there but I just try to keep it real. I am grateful for all or your comments and support. I even find much support in just reading your blogs and what all of your experiences are. Without them, I would be in this alone.
I still have a lot of questions for Dr. G upon his return. Some of you mentioned about back-up samples and yes, we had 2 frozen back up samples. I did ask the embryologist about that and she said they always like to use a fresh sample when possible. I just need to regroup with Dr. G and drill him with questions.
So now we wait for the results. I feel horrible that I had lost all hope, I am glad I have it back again!

Day 3 Report

So we talked to embryologist today and wouldn't you know it all 4 are 8 cells today and they look great. But, we are not out of the woods yet. So on Day 3, that is when the DNA from the sperm kicks in and that's where problems can arise, especially for us. We know we have bad sperm, we knew that going into this. But, nobody knew it was this bad. Which kinda pisses me off because they made us feel like it was a piece of cake. I asked if they did IMSI (which they were suppose to do) on the sperm which is where they look at the sperm under a high powered microscope in order to pick out the best looking ones to inject into the egg, it's like ICSI but you get at better look at each sperm. Um, yeah they didn't do it because they said there wasn't enough sperm. WTF does that mean. Nobody told us that they couldn't do IMSI because of that. They had all of our semen analysis from the past year plus they looked at a sample when we came for the ODWU in December. They knew our sperm was shit and they said it was fine at least they had some to work with. I have tons of questions for Dr. G when he returns which isn't for another week. Here are couple I have in mind. If anyone has any more I should ask please let me know.
1. Should we do a DNA fragmentation test on the sperm?
2. Why the FUCK wasn't IMSI done?
3. Was the egg quality affected by the numerous cysts I have? (I had more follicles on my ODWU)
4. Would sperm aspiration be better?
So our plan. If 3-4 embryos make it to day 5 and look strong we are going to go through with the CCS testing. If 1-2 make it then we are not. We already know the my husband is a Robertsonian Translocation carrier so the odds of the 1-2 coming back normal is not very high. We are going to freeze them and do another retrieval first and then do CCS testing on all of them together. The embryologist did say if they all arrest then she would still test for chromosomal abnormalities and then we would at least know our chances of chromosomal balance embryos. The embryologist was real with us and I really appreciated it. She said it can really go either way but not to expect 4 to make it, more like 1-2. We make our decision on Sunday or Monday, depending on the growth. At that time we do not have time to decide what to do we will have to make our decision immediately.

Taking Action

So yesterday was a really bad day. My husband ended up calling the embryologist yesterday to try to find out some answers. I was too crushed to even talk to anyone. They were super nice on the phone and told us they were all thinking about us. They also told us they were expecting better results from us too and to hang in there. The conversation did make me feel better but John the embryologist is calling us tomorrow to see how things are progressing on Day 3 and to see where we go from here. I have made up my mind and if we only have 1 that makes it to day 5 we are not doing CCS testing. We told them this yesterday on the phone as well. We are going to freeze it and then do another egg retrieval as soon as we can. Once we get the number of embryos we need, we will do the CCS testing on all of them together. At this point I am expecting the worse news tomorrow. It makes me feel better to think about the worst possible outcome. I am just trying to be realistic about our situation. CCRM has amazing fertilization rates and we didn't even get 50%. I am not sure what questions we are going to ask tomorrow but I will figure that out tonight sometime.
I want to thank you all for you support! I really, really appreciate it. More than you can ever know. I am not sure what hope means to me anymore when it comes to science. I think I just need to be realistic about our chances from now on. We came to CCRM to create our family, bottom line is they can either do it or they can't. To me no hope can change that.
I also have to comment on this belly I have since egg retrieval. It looks and feels terrible. I am trying my best to get it under control but I have no idea it would be this bad.

Fertilization Report

I can't help but say that  I am beyond sad. Out of the 16 retrieved, 12 were mature. Of that only 4 fertilzed. I can only hope and pray that these 4 can make it to day 5 but I have lost a lot of hope. They still have to go through genetic testing. Not even half fertilzed. My biggest fear after the egg retrival is ending up with nothing. I know it only takes one and but I just had more hope going into this process. I hate infertility and hate what it is doing to my life! I need to search for my hope in these 4 we do have.

Egg Retrieval Complete

We got 16 eggs today. I will find out tomorrow on how many were mature and how many fertilized. The entire experience was pretty easy.The process went so quick, so quick in fact I was done with my procedure before husband was finished with his. I arrived 1 hour early for the prep. Dr. Minjarez did the retrieval, Dr. G is in Italy on vacation. I felt pretty calm the entire time, I was more nervous about hearing the number of eggs than anything. My biggest fear during this entire process was ovulating too early. I am so happy to be finished but scared of the results that are to come. I have faith in CCRM and their amazing labs but still, it's hard not to worry about all the results. We have spent so much time and money on this process (like everyone else) and we really can't afford to do another cycle. I am going to try to clear my head and be happy with what we do have.

Monday at CCRM

The trigger shot was a piece of cake...to take I should say. I was so nervous about my husband giving it to me but he did just fine. I did end up drawing a circle on my ass for my husband so he would get the right spot and you were all right, it didn't hurt one bit. I felt some pressure in the muscle after it was complete but other than that...all was good. I had my labs this morning and my IVF physical. Egg Retrieval is tomorrow, I am so happy to finally be here. I feel like after the ER we can move forward with our lives a little bit more. We have spent the entire summer just waiting for ER since we had so many cancelled cycles due to cysts it felt like we could never make any plans to do anything. CCRM was really busy today, it looked like there were a lot of folks doing their ODWU. There was even a couple there from Italy. I know I am in good hands and pray tomorrow will be a success!

Trigger Tonight!

We are triggering tonight at 1am. Very exciting, that means ER is Tuesday at 12pm, one day early. I must say I have spent lots of time these last 2 days reading everyone's ER experiences. I am not even kidding I went to all of your blogs! It helps to read everything everyone else went through. Right now I am just hoping for a good number of eggs. I am confident in CCRM to do the rest.

Trigger Possibly Tonight!

Went in for my 3rd u/s and labs this morning. Everything is growing at the same rate so that is good. They still seem to be tracking only 15. I so much wanted more than that, but I will take what I can get. We already know we are genetic mutants so the more eggs the better for CCS testing. I wasn't expecting them to tell me that I would trigger tonight but that only makes sense, Egg Retrieval would be Wednesday just as they predicted. Husband and I have been watching some trigger shot videos and find them very entertaining yet scary. I am going to try not to think about it. I might go back to CCRM today if we are getting the trigger shot tonight and have them draw a circle for him to hit the correct spot. We met with the genetic counselor the other day and she just makes everything seem so simple and easy.  I mean everyone at CCRM sure makes you know how to feel good about all the crappy stuff you have to do.
*I am adding this info after I already posted but wanted something to reference to just in case...Yesterday I was still on 20 units of Lupron am/pm & 2 vials of menopur yesterday and today. Last night I had only 150 of Gonal-f instead of 300 so not much changed with the meds.

Day Off

I am off today. Husband had to go and provide another freeze sample, they want 2 back-ups from him. I am on the same dosage of meds. 2 vials of Menopur, 20units of Lupron and 300 Gonal-F. I am trying hard to stay hydrated. We are staying at the Elements hotel and it's pretty nice. I like to stay at Starwood hotels to save points for free rooms. The rate was pretty good, when you call you can ask for the Skybridge Medical Rate our rate was $99, that includes wi-fi, daily breakfast, kitchen in the room, on-site laundry and Monday-Thursday they have free happy hour (beer & apps) for those who can drink. The hotel is located by a movie theatre, bowling alley and many restaurants. I have my u/s and labs tomorrow morning so we how things are progressing.

Made It To Colorado

We made it to Colorado last night. Had our first u/s and labs this morning so I am waiting to see if they change my dosages. Annie said everything looks good, she talked too fast for me to know all the sizes but most are around 12, 11 and we do have a few slow pokes at 4 that probably won't make it but in all it was 15. I was so hoping for more but will be happy with anything. For some reason my left side is doing so much better than the right which is so weird because in all the ultrasounds I have had the right has always been way more dominant. It's nice to finally be here! I was smiling as we were walking into CCRM this morning and just thinking that this is it!

The Wait

It's just killing me. I went in for labs and u/s this morning to make sure we are on track and follies are growing. I was done with that at 9:30am my time. Colorado is an hour ahead of me and I thought I would hear from them by now. My job is waiting to know what is going on too. I finally told them I needed to be gone and that was it. I didn't tell them anything else. It made me worried though because I have to use FMLA and I have heard of others being denied FMLA due to fertility treatments. I will find out I guess. I don't know why I can't just use some of my 550 hours of sick time? So, now I wait, I wait for another green light from CCRM.

**Update: the damn lab did not sent the results yet! UGH, I told the lady this morning that is was stat and she said no problem, it would be done in 2 hours. I should have called them earlier.

***Most Recent: ok my labs were fine and the follies are growing, slowly. There are not too many right now but Annie said I am not done yet. The u/s tech didn't measured anything under 9 so right now I have on the left ovary; 13, 12, 9,9 on the right ovary; 12, 12, 9. I sure hope I get more than that. But I am off to Colorado tomorrow.

Let the Shot Really Begin

The Lupron is going well. I added the Menopur this morning and that was fine too. It burned slightly so I went really slow. Tonight I will add the Gonal-F. The shots aren't too bad, the needle is really small so it's not as bad as I thought it will be. I just keep thinking to myself that I just hope it all works out. I am not going to exercise as much and at times not as all. I did run this morning before the shots but I won't run tomorrow I will only walk. I also will not be having any alcohol. I had one beer last night but that's all for me. I plan on drinking a lot of water and trying to eat the best I can eat especially when traveling, that will be hard. My u/s and labs is schedule for Tuesday and we are leaving for Denver on Wednesday. Here are a few drug pics. My husband and I sent the second pic to some of our friends and family who know what we are going through. We try to have a sense of humor through this.

First Shot

I have been on fast forward since I got the call from CCRM yesterday. They got my results after a slight hiccup this morning and I am finally, finally suppressed. After all of these months. So this is it, they actually had be take my first shot of Lupron today and that was at 1pm. I had to go home on my lunch break. I sure wasn't prepared for all of that. It was easy, the needle was small. I will have to post a pick. I was thinking on my drive home that we are really doing it. I am so excited to be starting. I can't wait for all of it! We will be in Denver next Thursday. I have yet to tell my work so this should be interesting. I don't plan on telling them about IVF at all I just don't want to deal with work people who just don't understand.

What A Day

I got a call from my nurse around 12pm. She told me to take my last bcp today and to try to get my u/s and labs done today or tomorrow. So I took the advice from Manni and went to the local hospital to do the labs and it worked out great. It was covered by insurance and all. I had to go to a u/s place to get that done but that too was covered by insurance. Finally! Weird story I was at simon med for my u/s and an old co-worker did my u/s. We were not close, I didn't even work in the same building but still weird! So we are hopefully starting Lupron on Friday. I am taking this one day at a time so I am not even going to think about traveling to Colorado until I get today's results.

Gone...Again!

I had another cyst check today and they are GONE! Draining was scheduled for tomorrow but has been cancelled because both ovaries were completely free and clear! It's time! I don't know what my calendar will be but it will be happening in August sometime. Finally, I really thought I was going to lose it. If you ask my husband he will tell you I have completely lost it already. I just am so on the edge ALL the time. I want to get past this first step and then see what is in store for us.

Moving Along

I met with my local RE today to go over the cyst draining procedures. It seemed pretty simple. He also said he likes to go in and poke a few holes in the lining where cysts are created to prevent more from coming in. I was thrilled about that. So basically today we talked. It was nice, basically I have learned that you just sometimes have to talk to the doctor. They know exactly what to say to make me feel better. Again, I had problems with the receptionist. I did try to say something to the Dr. about her. He asked me why I did get the cyst drained sooner and I told him every time I call to schedule something it's either not available or it's a big struggle just to find me time to come in. He told me he would do whatever dates CCRM needed. That made me feel better. So the next time I called to schedule I will tell her that. Today she made me pay for my surgery that is next week. I asked why and she said that's the way we do things around here. Really? I said well when I was scheduled to get the cyst drained on July 5th I didn't pay in advance. Dr. Z (local ER) said he thinks the cyst will be gone when we do an u/s on Tuesday...I think so too. I told her this and she still made me pay. Whatever I guess I will get the money back somehow if the surgery is cancelled. So for the rest of the week I will try to eat pretty healthy, lots of raw veggies and lots of water. My husband is reading this book about water so he is constantly telling me to drink more water. It's the body's miracle drug.

Sharing an Article

I am re-posting an article I saw on another blog I follow. I read it and decided I wanted to share it too. Not only does it talk about (in)fertility but it also mentions CCRM. I think all of us who are going through or who have gone through any fertility treatments can relate to this article and it's nice to see it being talked about more openly and honestly.  

The article was in the Wall Street Journal, here is the name of the article and a little info about it. Click on the title and it will take you to the article.

 My Fertility Crisis                                                                                                                            We hear about fertility treatments when they're successful. But for millions of women, they mean regret, heartbreak, shame and silence.

It's Scheduled

Well, my local place called me back yesterday a couple hours after I called so that wasn't too bad. I just have to remember the bitch that always answers the phone is...well...A BITCH! She always answers the phone rude and takes everything so personally. I can't wait till I am done seeing them. Anyways, the draining is scheduled for Aug. 3. It seems so far away but that is what they had available. Until then I am still on BCP's, which make me feel so miserable. I have been spotting, I am bloated and super crampy. I keep telling myself it will all be worth it but then I remind myself I haven't even made it to the egg retrieval yet. I just keep thinking I have so far to go still. Now I am going to go have a few beers, lay out by the pool and later have some yummy sushi.

Local Happenings

Well I have been trying to get my cyst draining scheduled. It seems like it's always something with my local place. They are always short staffed and not very friendly. Today they told me that nobody would be calling me for a couple of days to get this scheduled...Really...It's times like these that I am so thankful I am going to CCRM. So right now I wait for them to call me back to schedule a time to get it drained. Let's just say if I don't hear from them by Monday I am going to just drive there and schedule it in person. I don't care anymore, they already clearly hate dealing with me so I might as well really have them hate dealing with me. If it wasn't for the Dr. who I like a lot, I wouldn't be going there. So now I wait...again.

Getting it Drained

I emailed CCRM about the cyst draining. My biggest concern was yesterday when I had the u/s there were not many resting follicles. I know the cyst is taking up a lot of space but I wanted to make sure if I did get it  drained that I still can get the best number of eggs. We need all we can get due to the genetic testing and due to the fact that in order to do another cycle, to save up all the money again, that would take us into 2012, we would need at least 6months to recover financially. They assured me it will help. So I guess I will get it drained. My local Dr. did tell me that it can come back after starting the stims and I am sure it will and we will be cancelled after starting stims. Real positive I know...
To drain the cyst, well they told me it's like an egg retrieval so it's pretty quick and simple. I have never had and ER so I am not too sure what it's like. My insurance will cover the cost so that is the nice part. I am not too confident in my decision but it can't hurt to try something. Some had commented about giving me something stronger to suppress me and I think that seems like the reasonable answer myself. I am going to write my nurse and ask that but for the most part they want it drained.

Another Day...Another Cyst

I had another u/s today and my labs tested. No surprise here...still a cyst on my left ovary it's 3cm. The good news was it is not producing any hormones. So Dr. G wants me to get it drained. I am so torn I don't know what to do. Should I get it drained? If I get it drained I say on BCP's for 5 days after that. Once CD1 arrives I start the drugs. If anyone one has any advice please let me know. Do I think my cyst will go away on its own once I start a new cycle... absolutely. Do I think a cyst will pop up on my right over after this one goes away on it's own...absolutely. Basically every time I ovulate I get at cyst that stays. Here is my track record with cyst. These are all the months I have been check for cysts and had them. All the months not listed doesn't mean I didn't have a cyst it just means I did get it checked that month.
December 2010-cyst
February 2011-cyst
April 2011-cyst
May 2011-cyst
June 2011-cyst
July 2011-cyst
I feel with this track record I need to do something because doing nothing isn't helping either. My husband thinks I should wait and the body will work itself out but...that hasn't happened yet. I am super torn. I don't want to rush anything or have a crappy cycle especially with the cost of everything, yet I don't want to not listen to Dr. G's advice. I hate infertility!

Feeling Better

It was finally nice talking to Dr. G, not that he really said anything new but I haven't talked to him since my ODWU in December. How crazy is that! I can't believe I am still waiting for an ER. Well he did tell me that I ovulated through the BCP and did get another cyst and he is changing my protocol and I am on BCP's until Tuesday and once I start CD1 and as long as there is no cyst we will start the meds right away.  I think that is what most people do anyways so doesn't sound too different. He did say this does happen, but not this often. Basically I feel better that it will eventually happen for me and I just have to be patient. I am not too confident that I won't have a cyst next week. Since they love me I am going to bet it is still there. I know I sound negative but I can feel sharp dull pains in my left ovary. Labs & u/s are scheduled for next week. Let's hope this one is a go. Tentative ER is for 8/3/11. I thought by now I would almost be ready to do a FET. One thing I have learned is I can't get ahead of myself in this game. One day at a time!

Plan B

Alrighty, the re-group is schedule at 10:45am on Friday with Dr. G. I am ready to get this figured out. I feel like I have broken some kind of recorded with cancelled cycles. My nurse re-assures me this does happen, that did make me feel better but I really want to talk to the Dr to figure out what Plan B is. I thought IVF was Plan B for me since doing it the old fashion was did not work out. I guess this may be Plan C. Who knows. I just want to figure something out because whatever I am doing now is not the right plan.

Pushing Through

I tried to call CCRM today and every option I push is telling me  "this person is not available"...so I emailed them to try to schedule a re-group with Dr. G. CCRM wants me to get an u/s this Friday to see if the cyst is gone and then another one next week. I am not doing the one on Friday and I have decided I am not doing one next week until I can get my labs done first. When I get the results from my labs then I will do and u/s. Obviously if my Estradiol is high then it's still there. Last week my Estradial was 151, they like it below 50. I know I will not be getting this cyst drained if they ask me to. It's just not worth it. It will go away. I should have never gone on BCP's this month and just started stims right away like my nurse said they were going to do. Even my nurse was super surprised when Dr. G put me on BCP's again. It does suck waiting and going against some of the things they are telling me to do but when you are dropping almost $500 every time for u/s and labs it gets super frustrating.  I guess first things first, re-group with Dr. G. They sent me a new calendar, with a tentative ER on 8/3 but those calendars basically mean nothing to me anymore.

Another Cycle?!

Sorry I have been M.I.A for a few days. It was a busy weekend. My sister got married this past Saturday and the entire family was in town. It was great, I drank a lot and I forgot about IVF and all that other stuff that goes along with it until they called and told me this cycle was cancelled again! I don't know what to do?! I talked to me nurse on the phone for a while and she was as frustrated as I was. Especially since we were not going to do BCP's this time around and then we did. I got rid of the cyst on my right ovary and then one showed up on the left. Basically I am getting one every time I ovulate. My nurse told me I need to re-group with Dr. G and figure out a new plan. So I will call CCRM tomorrow to figure this all out. I am beyond disappointed. We were so ready for this, this month. I hope Dr. G has a better plan otherwise I really don't know where we go from here.

I Can't Believe This

Seriously, I did my labs yesterday afternoon so they would be ready for today. Well, I finally called my local place and guess what....they forgot to send the blood. They said they were sorry and they will do their best to get the results. Well, their best will not be good enough. Colorado is a hour ahead of us and it probably won't be there are time for the Dr. to review. I am hoping. I ordered the Lupron so I have that for tomorrow. I just don't know if I should order my other stimming meds? UGH, why can't people just do their job, why!

Today

I had my u/s today. Everything looked okay? I am not sure the u/s tech said I am about to ovulate. I can't keep things straight anymore. I thought you don't ovulate on BCP's. I am waiting for the labs which I won't get those results until tomorrow morning since I went late this afternoon. At this point I am not sure what will happen with this cycle. I will see what CCRM says tomorrow.

It's Gone!!!!!

I can hardly believe it. The cyst is GONE! Yep, I had an u/s this morning and it was gone. I am still in disbelief. It was great seeing my old RE today. I did ask him a few questions regarding BCP's. I just don't think they are suppressing me enough and he did say I do have a dominate follicle on the left ovary, it was at 10mm. Nothing to worry about but I want to make sure I get all the eggs I can get this cycle. So we are on the road to IVF. I start Lupron next Friday. I can't believe it...Finally!

Here's what lies ahead for us.

Draining

I finally heard back from my local RE and the cost of the cyst draining is going to be about $190. That was awesome news. The bad news is that they are down to 1 RE doctor starting next week so they don't know if they can do the surgery by July 5th. It's always something. I just know that I have to stay on top of everything. I will do my best to make it happen by next week.  I asked to see my old RE Dr. L (sometimes I see the other one) he was great and he actually did IVF for Dr. G. That is why I like him, Dr. G and him are friends and I am hoping that will help me get the surgery. After all he recommended me to go see Dr. G at CCRM because my local facility doesn't do CCS testing. I have my u/s on Thursday to make sure the cyst is still there. That would be awesome if if was gone but I doubt that. I am currently on day 5 of BCP's, they weren't going to put me on them this time but I guess they did. I hate being on them because when you have had 2 cancelled cycles and starting the 3rd, well that means I have been getting my period every 2 week since May. Not fun! I hope I can get the surgery by or on Tuesday next week. My other dilemma is, my sister is getting married next Saturday and all of my family is coming into town next Wednesday. I would hate to be doing this stuff while they were here. They all know what is going on. We talk about it all the time. I am really open and tell my sisters & parents everything. I just rather be having fun while I take vacation days instead of feeling shitty. I know it's a simple procedure but I don't do well after anesthesia. It makes me feel so tired and worn out for a couple days.

Another Cycle...Another Calendar

Well I am working like crazy to get this cyst drained. I am not sure why nobody can help me. I called my local place yesterday to get it drained and they just act stupid. I can't even take it anymore. I called my gyno and they are useless. Seriously I just started calling all the local RE's to see if they would drain a cyst and I finally talked to someone who knew what they were doing. She was so nice and kind  and said they can do it for me and by July 5th and they don't take my insurance so FUCK! I just don't know what do to. I have a new calendar with yesterday's CD1 and I need to get the cyst drained by July 5th to start shots that week with an estimated egg retrieval date on July 17th. I am not going to be patient anymore. I am not going to be sit back and wait. I just need to find someone to drain it. I asked for my local doctor to call me because and I told the lady on the phone that I was going to lose it. So I guess I am back to calling other doctors so see who can do it. I will wait to see if the other doctor calls me back. The worse part is DH does NOT understand any of this and he just thinks the cyst is going to go away on it's own but it's not. I need some Tylenol.

Bumps in the Road

So I did go to yesterday's appointment but I didn't get the cyst drained. I just to talk it over with them (old/newRE). It was complicated. Dr. G wrote the orders to have the cyst drained today but that didn't fit into my new RE's office schedule and since I am not considered their patient,  I needed to fill out more paperwork and do that first. I know the cyst is still there. I called my local place twice last week asking tons of questions and they kept saying I needed to talk to the Dr. and that it was up to him, when clearly I had orders from another Dr. WHATEVER! So basically the cyst has been there too long now to go away on it's own. So I emailed  my nurse and told her I can get the cyst drained but it's not on CCRM's time frame. Nothing I can really do about that. So my nurse is going to check with Dr. G on what time frame I have to get it drained. Dr. G is on vacation now so I won't find out until Thursday. Bottom line...the cyst does need to get drained. I did find out it IS covered by insurance. So now I am just waiting to see what the orders are from Dr. G. How this effects our next cycle...well once the cyst is drained and once I start my CD1, I will not go on BCP and start STIMS. So more than likely we are defiantly doing egg retrieval in July/August....FINALLY

Decisions

Sometimes I get so worked up about all of this IVF stuff that I don't even want to think about it or talk about it. Like it will go away or something. I am still racking my brain on what to do about this cyst. My u/s and labs are suppose to be tomorrow morning and I want to cancel it so bad but I feel so bad cancelling it because I took up someones appointment time. I have been going to a new office where my old RE transferred to so I don't want to piss them off. They have been so nice. I know the cyst is there.  I don't really want to pay for another u/s and labs. The even crappier part is they can't find out if it's covered by insurance until tomorrow's results. I know it's probably covered but since it has to do with infertility stuff it's probably not. My local OBGYN said they couldn't drain it until it was 8cm. Right now it's 3cm. I did email my nurse Friday and told her about all of this and all she said is Dr. G recommends getting it drained. I told her that it wasn't going to be easy and she suggested I come to Colorado to do it. Easier said then done. I constantly feel like I am fighting with myself. I think listen to the Dr. it's what he recommends. Then I think, HELLO, they are a business too and they just want my money. I know CCRM wants to get me in before the break and I would love that too, but at what costs? Draining a simple cyst just to squeeze me in? I guess I will have to decide here sometime before tomorrow. I may go to the appointment and just try to talk to my doctor. I will do my best to make the right decision.

A Plan?!

My nurse called last Thursday and left me a message regarding they plan they have for me. I don't know how I feel about it, they want me to get another u/s and labs done next Monday, if I still have a cyst they want it drained. I am working on figuring this all out. I am not sure if my insurance will cover this or not. I am not going to do it if my insurance doesn't cover it. I rather wait it out. The waiting sucks but so does paying out of pocket. I do have great medical coverage but not relating to infertility. Also, my Vitamin D level was low, it came in at 21 and they want it above 30. I have to admit I am not good at taking pills, not even prenatal pills. I need to get better at that starting today. Annie, my nurse, just called to make sure I can get everything schedule and I told her I will do my best. I know right now at my old RE place they are in the middle of ER so I am not sure if I can be fit into their schedule.

Moving Forward

Today is a new day and I am feeling pretty good considering I have had 2 cancelled cycles. What's next? Well...Dr. G said I will have another suppression check when I begin CD1 and if the cyst is still there I will need to schedule to have it aspirated. I will spend some time today trying to figure out who can do this for me and if I can get it covered by insurance. If the cyst is gone we will start stim drugs immediately, no BCP's. So today I am moving forward...I am going to try to learn from this entire process and be thankful that IVF even exists.

Develop an attitude of gratitude, and give thanks for everything that happens to you,

knowing that every step forward is a step toward achieving

something bigger and better than your current situation.
~Brian Tracy

Monday's Madness

I won't even explain the madness I went through this morning trying to get off work, make appointments and drive to these appointments. Let's just say I felt a little stressed. I had  my blood work & u/s again this morning. First off it was crazy getting it scheduled in time in order for the results to get to CO in time. I'm in Arizona so we are an hour behind them right now. Fortunately, they got me in. Unfortunately, the cyst is still there, last week it was 2.6cm today 2.9cm. Last week my estradiol was 259, they want it below 50. I the cyst was still going to be there, I felt like I was just wasting time & money today. At this point I am just getting really frustrated and disappointed. I don't know what I can do. Anyone have any advice? My nurse told me when I start my next cycle and if I don't have a cyst we won't do BCP's this time we will just start with injections. Now that sounds great but...I have a cyst and my next cycle will probably arrive just before CCRM closes in July. Another concern I have burning in my head is during my u/s they didn't find many follicles. They cyst is pretty large so it is taking up a lot of room on the right ovary but on the left ovary there were only 1-2 and last month there were only 3-4. It could be something to do with the cetrotide I was on for the last 3 days, it was suppose to suppress me.

Update

Alrighty then...Looks like I will be injecting cetrotide for the next 3 days and then I have an u/s on Monday. I need to try to schedule that somehow. It took my a while to track down the cetrotide but I found it only a 1 1/2 miles away. Poor husband has to go pick it up for me because I have a field trip for work today and won't be done with work until 5:30 and shop closes at 5:30pm. So I guess this cetrotide is suppose to suppress me. If that doesn't work we wait for AF to arrive and we are going on a different protocal that does not include BCP's and you start injections right away. Only problem with that CCRM is closed the first part of July so if that happens I will have to wait until August. That sounds crazy because that is when we wanted to do a FET. Oh well, as long as I can try to get pregnant this year I will be happy. I will let you all know how it goes. I have never injected myself before so this should be fun...actually my sister will probably do it for me, she's a nurse.

Going Crazy

I have been working on infertilty shit all day. I actually had the u/s yesterday so I pretty much knew then that it was over. I talked to the medical assistant today and she said she would fax the results, that was at 10am. i went to the office like a crazy lady and asked if they were faxed and they had not been yet and that was at 1:30pm. And now they still have not been faxed. WTF! I told them how important it was for CCRM to get them today, especially since they are on a different time zone. I am sure they are mad I showed up there but it's only a block from my work. Also, it was my obgyn's office so they don't get it at all. I went there because they were able to get the u/s covered under insurance. Fuck, the $230 is nothing compared to the crap I have gone through today, that is how much the u/s costs OOP. So at this point pretty sure they are still not sent and its 3pm, 4pm CO time. I did the blood work this morning at 7:45am. I went to my new/old RE office (he moved fertility clinics). They assured me this morning that it takes 4 hours to get the results and they will be sent out by 12pm. Nope, called them at 1:30pm to make sure they had the fax number and then they finally sent them. UHG! I am officially stranded in Crazy Town.